living for today

This poem was read during a Bible study that I just completed with my church. It hit home with me because I often live with my eyes focused on tomorrow instead of what God has for me today.

It was Spring.
But it was Summer I wanted,
The warm days,
And the great outdoors.

It was summer.
But it was fall I wanted,
The colorful leaves,
And the cool, dry air.

It was Fall.
But it was Winter I wanted,
The beautiful snow,
And the joy of the holiday season.

It was Winter.
But it was Spring I wanted,
The warmth,
And the blossoming of nature.

I was a child.
But it was adulthood I wanted,
The freedom,
And the respect.

I was twenty.
But it was thirty I wanted,
To be mature,
And sophisticated.

I was middle-aged.
But it was twenty I wanted,
The youth,
And the free spirit.

I was retired.
But it was middle-age I wanted,
The presence of mind,
Without limitations.

My life was over.

But I never got what I wanted.

"Present Tense" by Jason Lehman

Let the paperwork begin...again

Adoption has not been on the forefront of my mind the past several months. With pregnancy and fall activities and everyday life, it has fallen to the wayside.

I still think about our baby in Africa, I still daily pray for him or her, but the details, the paperwork, has not been something on my mind...until last week.

I love how God uses those around us to remind us that He is not only in control of the big things, but he also is in all the little details of our lives, like paperwork. Over the past weeks I have seen new friends who are adopting, friends coming home with their babies, and heard stories of others who are on their journey. All these things combined brought our journey back up to me.

With that, I realized that our homestudy and immigration paperwork is about to expire. That same day, I contacted our adoption agency and our home study agency all to start this wonderfully fun part of the process I like to call the "paper chase". We technically should have started about 1 month ago, so we are kicking into high gear to gir r dun (yeah, I just said that).

So here we are again, in the details, gathering all the documents needed. Although tedious, it has given me a fresh reminder of our adoption and the sweet little face we will see at the end of this journey.

Roller Coaster

Has anyone ever told you that adoption causes you to go through a roller coaster of emotions? Well, if they have, they weren’t joking.

The part about adoption that causes me to be the craziest is the fact that I have ABSOLUTELY NO control.  We are hoping and praying that we bring our child home this year, but we know there is a possibility we won’t. Heck, there is a chance Uganda will close tomorrow and then what? 

Last year at this time, we started our adoption process. (Can you believe it has been one year?) I was SO ready to be on the wait list. I needed to have a number on a wait list and I needed to have a time frame. I was being very impatient and trying to control the timing of our family.

Sometimes I put these silly little timelines out there. I say “well I really would like to have all of our children by age 35”. WHAT? Who do I think I am?

We have these wonderful, sweet friends who are in their late 40’s. They just had a perfect, healthy, little girl and they are GLOWING. I know that does not work for everyone, but what would I miss if I said “no more” after 35?

I am thankful that God has given me a patience that I did not have before. I am enjoying being a family of 4. I still have the feeling that someone is missing from our family; that we are not complete. But I now trust more in God’s perfect timing.

I still get impatient. There are even moments of fleeting temptation to switch to a quicker option.

But there is one word that I have to keep coming back to, trust. God has been faithful and he will continue to be faithful. He has a plan for our family and I have to trust in Him.

giving thanks

My initial reason for this post was to share some wonderful news with you…yesterday we received a letter in the mail that made me so thankful.

As I opened the letter my heart skipped a beat wondering what it entailed. I read the words “we are pleased to inform you that you have been awarded an adoption assistance grant in the amount of $3,000”.

We received a $3,000 grant from Show Hope! Praise the Lord!

Today, our Pastor spoke on thankfulness. He asked us to think of events in our lives from the past year, first joyous occasions and then times of struggle. At that point, he asked us to give thanks for the times of struggle.

Ephesians 5:20, reads “giving thanks always and for everything to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ”.
The words “always and for everything” struck me.

Yesterday, I had no problem praising God when we received the letter from Show Hope. I was joyful and words of thankfulness came easy. But for me to be thankful during trials is such a different story. Showing gratitude to God is the last thing I want to do when I am stressed or angry or sad. Nevertheless, isn’t that what God asks me to do?

Something I most definitely need to work on :)

Switch Up

Let me be honest…it has been a LONG couple of weeks. We have had so many ups and downs surrounding the benefit concert and silent auction. I never know what to expect.

As difficult as these past 2 weeks have been, they have gotten me to a place where I realize that I cannot be in control ALL the time. I have learned some hard lessons about putting my trust in God.

One of the artists scheduled to play for the benefit concert found out last minute that she is no longer able to be there. We were so disappointed.

BUT God is faithful and He has provided us with another artist to fill her spot and we are SO EXCITED. Her name is Jenna Davis and you can listen to her music here. I know you will love her!!

Hope to see you on Saturday!

A different country. A hard choice

If you have been here before you may know that I have had doubts about our adoption from Ethiopia. You can read about this here and here.

Over the past few months, God has been doing a lot of work in our hearts. As comfortable as we were sitting on the wait list for Ethiopia, we began to see that might not be what God had for us.

Last week, we left our Ethiopia program.

Yes, we are still adopting, but God has led us in a new direction and to a different country. He is showing us truths about special needs children.

We have been praying like crazy over the past months. I have looked into many other countries in Africa and several different options for adoption. I have spoken with adoption agencies, orphanages, attorneys, and families who have adopted from Africa.

All doors seemed to be closing, all except one.

We are now pursuing adoption from Uganda! We are drawn to the country, its culture, and the children there. Our hearts have also been opened to the possibility of adopting a child with special needs. Read more about that here.

Why would God lead us to Ethiopia only to ask us to switch 6 months later? Were we just not hearing God correctly? As much as that thought runs through my head, I don’t think it is the answer. I do think God led us to Ethiopia, but for some reason He is now asking us to go in a different direction.

This has been a HARD decision. We both felt a strong pull to Ethiopia only months ago. But ultimately this is God’s decision, not ours. His plans for our adoption are much better than our own and we have to give full control to Him.

Following the leader, the leader, the leader

Can you tell that I have been watching Peter Pan A LOT?!?! Tay goes through phases of movies. Right now, she is in a Peter Pan phase which means we watch parts of it at least 3 days a week.

This post actually has absolutely nothing to do with Peter Pan, movies, or Taylor. It has to do with marriage.

One area in marriage where I struggle is in following Mark. Let me say this first, Mark is AWESOME! God made him to be the leader of our family and I am to submit to his authority (there is that dang submit word). The majority of the time we agree on our family decisions. Those are the easy ones.

But lately…

A few posts back, I wrote about some uncertainties that I have surrounding our adoption. I still feel 100% led to adopt. I still feel 100% that our baby is in Africa. BUT I no longer feel 100% that our baby is in Ethiopia. I have been praying (like crazy), researching, talking to other adoptive families, and reading other people’s adoption stories. I just can’t shake the feeling that maybe we are not considering all of our options. Here is where the struggle begins. Mark still feels certain that we are to adopt from Ethiopia. He too has been praying, but God has not pulled him in a different direction.

So for now, I just pray. I pray that God will either give me peace about adopting from Ethiopia, or that he will tug at Mark’s heart to consider other options. As much as I do not always like submitting to Mark’s authority and his ultimate place as the head decision maker, I have to. That is how God designed marriage. But let me tell you this, I would much rather be in my position than be in Mark’s. As the ultimate decision maker, he is the one who is directly held accountable by God, not me. And that my friends, makes the submission word a much easier weight to bear.

From 2 to 3

I often wonder what it will be like when we go from having two children to three. For me, going from zero children to one was fantastic! When Taylor was born, I was SO ready to be a mommy. I was able to stay home with her; she was a great sleeper and a pleasure to be around. However, my transition from one child to two children was HARD. Noah was a great baby, but I was overwhelmed. Tay was 20 months old and still a baby herself. There were days when I would sit on our stairs and just cry. I had no idea how to be a mommy of 2. But as time has passed and as both Taylor and Noah grow, I am finding much more joy and beauty in this stage. Obviously we still have hard days, but the feelings of being overwhelmed have mostly subdued.

And now here we are, getting ready to add another to our family. I know there will be struggles, but I imagine they will be of a different kind. I find myself thinking about my strengths and weaknesses and how God will prepare me for this third child.

My heart overflows with love for children. Finding a special place in my heart for our new child will not be a problem. But then I think about the lack of patience I frequently have with our children. Or the amount of stress I often feel. These are the times when I don’t know how I get through the day with two children, much less three. These are also the times when I find myself on my knees acknowledging my complete and utter reliance on God and his grace. And since today is one of those days, I am thankful to know where to look when I realize I cannot do this by myself :)

Hannah in the house

We are so excited to say that we have a third artist playing for our benefit concert. God has been so faithful to put amazing artists in our path who have a heart for adoption.

I first met Hannah Jeter at Sweet CeCe’s a few weeks ago. I was immediately drawn to her and her spirit for the Lord. A few days later, I found out she was an artist and knew that she would be an amazing talent to have at the concert.

We have already been so blessed by Hannah and I know that you all will be blessed by her music. You can find out more about Hannah here on her facebook music page. She will have music up by the end of summer.

God has brought three amazing artists/bands for our benefit concert. It has been so wonderful to see how God is bringing this benefit together in His perfect way.

Burdens or Blessings?

When we tell people that we are adopting from Ethiopia, there are two common questions we get. One question is “Why from Ethiopia?”.
The second is “Why would you adopt when you have 2 children of your own?”.

The short answers: God led us to Ethiopia and we would love to have a BIG family.

But to fully answer these questions, I need to start right before Mark and I got married.
While we were engaged, we talked about children…maybe we would have 2 or 3. And we would most definitely wait a few years after we were married. HA! God had much different plans for us and I am pretty sure He had a good chuckle about our “plans”.

During that same time period, we also began to be challenged to see children as God sees them, not as the world does. To see them as blessings, and not as burdens.

Children are a gift from the LORD; they are a reward from him. Psalm 127:3

Slowly, God began to open our hearts to His will for us. We decided to give control to God, to let Him decide how many children we would have and the timing.

Taylor was conceived after Mark and I had been married for only 1 month and Noah was conceived before Taylor was even 1. When we began to think about a third child, God started to tug our hearts towards adoption. You can read more about that story here.
We looked into domestic and international adoption. We looked into private adoption agencies and government ran agencies. We looked into EVERY country possible. We did LOTS of research and LOTS of praying.

When asked “Why Ethiopia?” it is often because people question why we would go to Ethiopia when there are children here that need homes. Trust me, if I could adopt them all, I would :), but I know that is not God’s plan for us RIGHT now. Domestic adoption may be His plan sometime in the future, but RIGHT now, we feel certain that God has led us to Ethiopia. We know that He has a child for us and we have to trust that God knows what He is doing.

And to touch on the second question, I have two young children. On a daily basis they try my patience. Everyday God has to give me grace and forgiveness. There are days when I think we can have 12 kids and there are days that I wonder how I manage with 2. Day after day I ask God to give me a heart that will view our children as blessings and not as burdens, a heart that will love our children and long for His will.

As much I do not “love” how these questions often make me feel, I choose to praise God for the opportunity to speak to others about adoption and how God has worked in our lives.

She is OURS!

We have loved for her for over a year. We have been praying for her even longer. We have known her sweet face for over a month. But yesterday, she officially became my niece!

My brother and sister-in-law have been in the adoption process since early last year. It is hard to believe that they are officially the parents of Elle, a sweet little girl from Ethiopia. We are praising God that Brandon and Blair passed court and that they are now a family of 5.

Seeing them gives us hope for the sweet baby that we are praying and waiting for. It is hard to imagine that we may be holding our new child sometime next year! God is SO good.

God, gettin’ it done

Our adoption process is moving right along. We have completed 2 of the 3 sets of required paperwork. The third set, the Dossier, is the most extensive. We are ALMOST done. There are only a couple of things that we lack, all of which we have no control over. So basically, I have to wait on OTHER people (namely, the government) before our Dossier is complete (not one of my strong points).

With the completion of each set of paperwork, a fee comes due. Amazingly, God has provided EXACTLY what we need every time. One of the larger fees is the first adoption agency fee of $6,200, which is now due. Between what we saved and the donations we have received, we have exactly what we needed to cover this expense.

I was once told that “God funds what he favors”. There is not a doubt in my mind that God favors adoption. We have been able to see Him during this entire process.

If you feel the pull towards adoption, but worry about the cost, PLEASE don’t. God will provide what you need. Mark and I are both numbers people, so we like to see everything on paper. I still struggle with not knowing where all the money will come from for our adoption. But God has a plan and He has already proved faithful time and time again.

Reece’s Rainbow

I was introduced to Reece’s Rainbow by a friend, Audrey, from our church. Reece’s Rainbow is an organization that supports orphaned children with special needs. Audrey is such a huge advocate for the organization and the children it supports. After reading her blog and the love she has for these kids, it inspired be to become a prayer warrior.

As a prayer warrior, I have committed to pray for a child everyday until she is adopted. There is no cost involved, just a daily time commitment. I LOVE this ministry. It is such a wonderful opportunity to pray for a child who may not have anyone else praying for them.

I wanted to share this with you because I think it is such a wonderful organization. If you are interested in becoming a prayer warrior you can visit
http://reecesrainbow.org/sponsorship/prayerwarriors

Unexpected Support

We have just begun our adoption journey, but I am already amazingly surprised at the support we are receiving. And not just the support, but those who are supporting us.

When we first submitted our application to WACAP (our adoption agency), I did not know how people would react to our adoption. Everyone has different views on adoption and not everyone agrees with it. While I want to respect their opinions, it is hard for me. As soon as we decided that we were ready to adopt, God allowed me to begin to feel love for this child. How can I understand any resistance to our adoption, when the end result is a child, our child?

On the other side of this, there are those who completely support us, even people who we have never met. We have had people offer to help us in ways that I never thought possible. People have sent kind words of encouragement that have truly touched us. We have received donations through our blog, through our t-shirt fundraiser, and in the mail. Our church has rallied behind us to support our cause. We are so amazed at God’s faithfulness.

Thank you to those of you who have come behind us and supported us. Your support means more to us than you know.

WOW!!

This past Sunday was “Adoption Sunday” at our church. Our pastor chose this Sunday to celebrate adoption and support us, as well as other families in our congregation who are adopting. We are so blessed to be part of a congregation that embraces adoption.

I cannot begin to describe the amount of love and support we received on Sunday. We were blown away by the amount of prayers offered and t-shirts purchased.

We are so thankful and appreciative for our church family! We love Parish!

Why Ethiopia?

I found this video when we were researching countries to adopt from. The statistics given in this video are not the only reason we chose Ethiopia, but it is a powerful video. It is a reminder of how blessed we are to live in this country.

James 1:27 states: Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.
As Christians, we are ALL called to look after orphans. While this looks different for everyone, for our family, it means adoption.



(You can ignore the end about bringing our daughter home. We pulled this from youtube, and the end is specific to the family that created the video.)

Our family is going to be expanding!

I know the first thing that just popped into your head is that we are pregnant. Not quite, but something similar. Mark and I have decided to pursue adoption from Ethiopia!!! We are in the early stages, so it will still be a long wait until our baby boy or girl gets to come home. We are so excited to see how God is going to work in our lives through this little boy or girl.

As a side note, writing is not my “thing”. You can see from previous posts, this blog has always been more about the pictures than the words. What can I say? I am an accountant, not a writer. So please forgive me for all of the grammatical errors that will occur. It is inevitable.

The plan is to use this blog to give you updates about our adoption and more than likely, share some cute pictures of our kids along the way :)